Here we are again, meeting together for what feels like such a short span. It is a special and memorable time, as you are to be the last memories we carry with us into the next year. It is quite a busy time for you, my dear December, and sometimes I worry for you. Expectations adorn every corner and rooftop, wishes are strung from the rafters, and intentions pour out through chimneys. I imagine it can be quite burdensome, but, my dear, I know that that is not all that you are. Your quieter, and softer ways might sometimes go unnoticed, but my darling, I see glimpses of them everywhere.
Today, I took a walk outside and felt your frigid embrace. Your cool fingers traced lines across my face, lingering long at the tip of my nose. My exhaled breaths formed a cloud, mingling briefly with your air. I saw the masterful artwork you created in the crystalized ice, woven together over puddles and along the edges of fallen leaves. I heard your soft melody of quiet murmurs, and feathery chirps, high among the trees. Lofty boughs of maple and mulberry swayed gently in time, as you danced among them, and left twigs and roots sleeping blissfully below.
When the sun sunk slowly below the horizon, deep shades of indigo, violet, and gold, were painted across your sky. The moon came out with its yawning grin in place of the sun and it was time for me to slip back inside, away from your cold. With the coming of night, your stillness spread out to the farthest reaches of earth and sky, encasing the world in a solemn globe of rest. Even so, I heard the call of owls sending messages to one another as they hunted for prey, and the howl and yip of coyotes, far into the hills, crying out for their pack.
You are all of those things, my dear December, and so many more.
Lastly, and not the least of which, is that you are also the time we honor and remember the peace and joy that was delivered to the world in such a small and gentle bundle, all those years ago. Under a starry night sky, the universe and all that exists within it was transformed, as a small breath, like a flake of snow, was breathed into the world for the first time. It isn’t until you arrive, that we stop and remember all that we’d forgotten and what it means to be loved, forgiven, and delivered from pain and sorrow. All such things we long for and yearn for, yet are nigh impossible to find through ordinary means.
My dear December, you are not the only busy time of the year. So too, are your brothers and sisters January, June, and all the rest. Though, without you, my dear December, I fear we may not take time to truly remember and reflect upon how love came into the world, so meek and mild, bringing light and healing to the darkness. For that, I must offer you my sincerest gratitude. And as we say goodbye, already, I am looking forward to our meeting again next year, and hoping that we will find each other well.
Hello friends, I hope this post finds you well. Are you gearing up for the approaching holidays? Somehow, once again, it feels like they’ve sneaked up on me. November especially, seems to have grown legs and gotten away. One moment it’s the height of summer and it feels as if it will always be that way, and the next moment it’s November, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and the New Year. It’s like a snowball effect, gaining momentum as it fast approaches. It’s been a while since we chatted about life, and writing, so I thought it would be fun to catch up today.
A few of months ago, I mentioned that I had begun writing a new novel. It was a big step for me to put aside my previous novel I’d been working on for the past four years, and move on to something new. When I started this new novel, I thought I could finish it by the end of summer, (silly me). I knew it was a long shot, but figured it was worth a try anyway. I didn’t finish it, (no surprise there), but I made a lot of progress. With each new project I take on, I learn something new about the writing process, and about myself. I’ve learned that the more you write, the more you want to write, and that it’s okay for the process to taker longer than anticipated. Accepting and understanding these facts have helped keep any self-inflicted discouragement at bay.
My outlining, and drafting process for this novel have been very different from any of my other projects, and I’m learning more and more what works best for me. I’m about halfway through my first draft, with plenty of ups and downs to say the least, but I have to say its been one of the smoothest drafts I’ve ever worked on. Though not without its difficulties, rough patches and occasional writer’s block, I now realize those challenges tend to crop up where my outline was weak. Needless to say, I’m learning the importance of a good outline, and how it can really save you from headaches later on.
On another note, I’m really enjoying getting to know my characters, and fleshing out the world they live in, and I’m looking forward to the day I can share it all with you. A few years ago, if you would have told me the kind of story I would be working on today, I’m not sure I would have believed you. Sometimes, I suppose, these unexpected surprises can turn out to be better than what we had planned for ourselves. I definitely have my work cut out for this book, but I’m prepared to roll up my sleeves and get to it.
Something else I’ve learned is that a messy first draft is okay. It doesn’t matter how bad the pacing might be or how many plot holes I will have to fix later, getting the heart of the story onto the page is what DOES matter. When uncertainties and self-doubts about the quality of my story start creeping in, I’m slowly learning to be okay with that, too. I’m realizing in time, with a little editing and hard work, I can still make something good out of it, and it can still be something I’m proud of, with typos and all.
Outside of writing, it’s been life as usual– which is just fine with me. I’m trying to enjoy the last of these quiet, dull days, and brace myself for the Christmas mania that is fast approaching. And since it’s the time for gratitude, and thanksgiving, I want to take a minute to thank you, for reading this post, and all of my other posts, too. I truly appreciate you. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving, or a happy Thursday, wherever you are, and I’ll be back with another post soon.
Tides will turn, winds can shift, and at times even the rain changes direction. Sometimes, our inner well of creativity changes, too. One day you might draw up the pail from the well expecting to find water, only to be met with nothing. It can be shocking and even scary to realize that it’s no longer full. And for the first time in a long time, you’ll have to consider the idea of digging a new one. Even though the old place felt safe and comfortable, the water didn’t taste so fresh anymore. But when you find that new well, that untapped resource, you might just find that it was exactly what you’d been looking for.
Recently, my “well” of creativity has changed direction. The heart I had for a certain project began to taper off little by little, almost imperceptibly, until I was eventually faced with nothing. Then one day a new story, with it’s very own spring of water, much different than its predecessor started to gurgle up from the parched ground. This new story quickly turned into a rushing river carrying me away on its current. It was a current I willingly launched out on, and now that I’ve left, I’ve hardly looked back.
A while ago, I made the difficult choice to leave an unfinished story behind, and begin a new one. I’m on that journey now, and am already waist-deep in it. This story was fairly new on my idea roster, but there was something about it that made me want to pour all of my time and energy into it. It felt new, and exciting, but it also felt familiar, like it was waiting for me all this time.
This project has been much like treading new waters, but I’m enjoying the process. I didn’t rush the plotting, or outlining phase, and miraculously, it all came together fairly quickly. It’s also the most in-depth, and well developed outline I’ve ever written. Needless to say, I’m feeling good about it. I’ve also given myself a loose deadline to (hopefully) finish the first draft by the end of summer. After completing NaNoWriMo last November, I figured it’s not too much to ask of myself to try and finish this draft in three months. I can be an incredibly slow writer, so I figured adding a bit of pressure is a good thing. But at the end of the day, the first draft is only the first step. Arguably it’s the most important step, but there are many more steps to follow, and with that in mind, the drafting process has been less intimidating.
I’m also excited because I’ll be writing this draft entirely by hand. Why would I be regressing to such an archaic form of recording, you may ask? Because the greats, like Dickens, Austen, andShakespeare, all wrote by hand, and I want to follow in their footsteps… I’m kidding, that was a joke. Really though, I chose to write by hand because it helps my overly critical, analytical brain, to take a hike. Writing by hand is a way for me not to overthink the words I’m putting down, and allows my creative thoughts to flow more freely. No delete key, and no backspacing key. I have no option, but to forge ahead. The first draft is always the most difficult part of the writing process for me, so if I find a way to make it easier on myself, then I’m all in. Even if it means I’ll have to transcribe several thousands of words from my scribbled notebook pages later, it’s worth it.
This new story is about an urban legend, a small town, and some strange happenings there. It has elements of many different movies, TV shows, and books that I have loved over the years. One of my inspirations was The X-Files, a popular show from the 90’s about two FBI agents taking on some strange, unexplained cases. I’ve had to do a lot of research for this project, but it’s been fun. I went to the library and grabbed several books on the topic I needed, and they have been really helpful. I’m learning a lot from this book already and I still have a long way to go. Later on I’ll probably do a proper, more detailed introduction for this story, but for now that’s all you get.
All in all, this move felt like a giant leap of faith, and with no regrets to speak of yet, I’m taking it as a sign that this was the right choice. A lot of us tend to stay in the same rut, afraid and unwilling to dig ourselves out and try something new. That’s where I stayed for a very long time. I was intimidated to make any drastic changes, but I realized that I am in control of my own writing. Who’s to say I should or shouldn’t write what I feel tugging on my heart, except for me?
* * *
I hope this post has inspired you to take the plunge, and start something new if a change has been knocking on your heart lately. Sometimes you don’t know what the right choice is until you give it a try. So fear not, my friend, and open up that door.
Once upon a time, there was a sad, and lonely, fan-girl. For two long years, she watched as the world tipped sideways, and everything unraveled. She was helpless, as postponed concerts and cancelled tours piled up all around her. It became harder, and harder, to feel the spark of joy she once had from her favorite musicians, and she was afraid they were feeling it, too. Nevertheless, she pushed through– and so did they. She awoke at the most unholy hours of the night to watch them perform halfway across the world, through the little screen on her cellphone. It made her happy, but it still wasn’t the same as being together. But one day everything changed, when she heard the news. “The wait is over, BTS is coming.”
I can still remember it. It was an average, even boring day when my sister stormed into my room with the news. I had to see it for myself, and there it was in black and white– BTSPermission to Dance on Stage in Las Vegas. I felt like I could finally see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. The only catch, was that tickets were going on sale next week, and the show would follow just a few weeks later. That left only a week to consider all the finer details that a trip like this would entail. But it didn’t matter. We didn’t have to think about it. It felt final, we had to go.
Fast forward a couple of weeks–and after having jumped though several hoops, registering for pre-sales, probably shaving off years from our lifespan– we got tickets. A sweet victory. This meant the count-down had officially begun, and all that was left to do was wait. But the weeks that passed, seemed to fly by and soon, it was D-day.
My sisters and I left bright and early on the morning of April 7th, the day before the concert. The road was long, and desolate, as it usually is in the desert. But that wasn’t important, because our destination was set. Eventually, the barren, and bleak, landscape gave way to a city–sparkling and glittering with neon lights. And then a funny thing happened. The city we found ourselves in, wasn’t what we thought it was. It had transformed, before our very eyes. It was no longer Las Vegas–it was now BORAHAEGAS. BTS and ARMY swept in, bringing with them a purple tide.
It was incredible. Wherever you looked, there were traces of BTS, and ARMY was everywhere. (BTS fans go by the name, “ARMY”.) Almost every building had a purple sign proclaiming Borahaegas. (Borahaegas is a play on the word borahae–a term BTS invented that means, “I purple you”. A mix of the Korean word for purple [bora] and the phrase “I love you” [saranghae].) The famed Bellagio fountains even had a special water show just for BTS fans. And nearly everyone on the streets was there for BTS. It was extraordinary to see so many people who had the same plan as me–who jumped through all the same hurdles to be there, in the same city, at that exact moment. But all of that was just a teaser, a small taste before the real thing– the concert.
The next morning, despite the exhaustion of a long travel day, we were ready. We could hardly contain the nervous excitement as we waited. And when it was finally time, we left our hotel, bound for the stadium. This was not my first rodeo, so I was expecting a crowd, I was even prepared to embrace the crowd, but it still managed to surprise me. It was like standing before a rushing river of people, all flowing into the stadium. We joined the flow, and soon, we made it to our seats. The excitement, and anticipation was nearly bursting from the stadium, and you could feel it coursing through the air like electricity.
And then, it was show time.
As amazing a sight as Borahaegas was, it couldn’t hold candle to the glittering lights, and fireworks, during the show. And the seven members shone brightest of all. The ARMY bombs, (fan light-sticks), flashed a rainbow of colors on beat to the music. The cheers, and roars from the audience nearly overpowered the sound system. And I couldn’t blame anyone for cheering so loudly, because the show was that amazing. It was so fun to hear all of my favorite songs performed live, and not only that, but to see all of the members singing and dancing with my very own eyes, was unforgettable. And being surrounded by so many people, all sharing in their excitement for this night was such a memorable experience. But as the show came to an end, I was happy, yet it was a bittersweet feeling. I was so grateful to have seen the show, but it felt incomplete.
The next morning, as we went out for some shopping, neither I nor my sister could shake the feeling in our gut. We had to go to tonight’s show, too. The only problem was, we didn’t have tickets for the second show. But where there’s a will, there’s a way. Thus ensued a very brief, but intense search for tickets to a sold out show. And in the end, we got tickets. We were going to see them again! The second night was just as spectacular, and stunning as the first night.
As I was leaving the stadium, I didn’t feel sad at all. In fact, I was struck by the fact that I felt so happy. There is so little left in this world that can bring joy, and a feeling of lightness to your heart, but after the show, I felt just that. It was strange, even alien, to see so many people, so happy, and so kind to one another, all in one place. It’s like there was an unspoken understanding among everyone there and we were all able to share these special nights, together. I realized how marvelous it is when people join together for something positive. For something that makes this world a little less bleak, and a little less sad, if only for a short time. Getting to know BTS, and listening to their music has changed my life in ways I would have never expected. And I’m truly grateful I was a part of it.
Finally, our trip felt complete. When I returned home, my bags were packed full of bright moments, and happy memories that I’ll cherish forever.
Borahae my friend, thank you for reading
-Lady S
P.S. You can watch a vlog from my trip HERE on my sister’s YouTube channel. Check it out!
One of the hardest things in life, is knowing when to let go. When to accept that it’s time take a step back. When to admit that something in your life is leading you in circles. Coming to that realization can often feel like failure, like giving up. But in reality, taking that step shows you are of a strong mind, and adept enough to meet those difficult realities head on. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and has caused me to face some of my innermost struggles about myself and my writing.
Not my photo.
The novel I am currently working on, a.k.a., the “Big One” as I’ve come to think of it, is a story that has been very near and dear to my heart for years. I’ve mentioned from time to time on my blog, how this story has grown and evolved along with me, for several years now. The current word count is just over 80k, making it the longest project I’ve written to date, but also the slowest. I’ve watched as the word count crept higher and higher, (at a snail’s pace), and it is nowhere near done.
For the better part of four years I’ve worked exclusively on this story, and it’s been even longer since the idea first sparked in my mind. But out of the hundreds of hours I’ve expended on this story, most of them were spent agonizing over it in my head, instead of actually writing. I’d held off writing it for years, because I didn’t feel ready yet. And as the weeks turned to months, and the months into years, I’ve learned that I am still not quite ready for this story. And that’s okay.
Not my photo
It’s been hard. It feels like I’m failing, or like I’m letting somebody down. After spending the last four years of my life pouring so much time and energy into this project, the thought of abandoning it is quite painful. But I’m not really abandoning it. I’m simply putting it on hold– because I want this story to be “right”. I want to tell the story that my characters deserve, and I want to tell it well. But the time to tell that story is not yet.
If my story were a block of clay, to be intricately carved and sculpted, then at this moment my story is very much shapeless. There may be hints of a sculpture, in the way it curves here, or casts a shadow there, but it is still just a lump of clay. So, for now, I’ve made the choice to put a sheet over my unfinished sculpture and stow it away for safekeeping. And one day when my vision has cleared, and I can look at it, and no longer see an obscure form– but flesh and bones and a beating heart– then I will return to it. But in the meantime I will be patient, and I will wait until I feel a true sense of purpose for my story.
I wanted to write this post, to recognize and commemorate all of the time I have spent on this project and acknowledge that it has not been in vain. I have learned more from this novel, than any other writing project I’ve worked on so far and this novel will always mark a pivotal point in my writing journey. By allowing myself to take a step back from this project, I am free to work on other, new stories that have been waiting patiently in the wings. And though the future of my writing endeavors may seem a little murky right now, I am excited to face the challenge and see where it takes me from here.
So here’s to love lost, lessons learned, and the great unknown. Let’s never give up on our dreams, you and I. For only when we step off the familiar path, will we learn of all the possibilities that lie ahead.
Hello friends, I hope you’ve been well. I realize I’ve been absent for quite some time, and I’m terribly sorry to have left you waiting. My usual quiet, and calm life has been anything but, as of late. I could say I’ve been “busy”, and move on, but I thought it would be better to have a little catch-up, instead.
Spring is a very full time of year for me, because that is when the greenhouse I work for opens up to the public. Most of the year we all work quietly behind the scenes, carefully planning and preparing flowers, and vegetable plants for the growing season. But all of that changes when opening day arrives, and my job shifts from planting, to working retail— an entirely different ballgame. Instead of plants flying from my hands, it’s now numbers, and totals, and answering all kinds of questions from customers. I’m really grateful for my job and I have been there for many years. My days are filled with very hard work, beautiful flowers and much sunshine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Before our official opening day at the greenhouse, my sisters and I squeezed in a four day trip, for a very special, and highly anticipated event, which I’ll tell you about in another post. I don’t think I have to explain to you the stress level of travel planning and booking reservations and all that sort of stuff. It somehow has the ability to absorb all of your time, and drain you of all your mental capacity to think of anything else in the universe. Thankfully though, that is all behind me now, and I am getting settled back into daily living. It is the combination of work, and travel, and home responsibilities that has barely given me the time to brush my teeth at night before I literally fall into bed (let alone write a blog post). And for that, I apologize.
Needless to say, I haven’t been doing much reading either. Funnily though, a recent power outage prompted me to finally sit down and make some progress on my current read, The Summer We Forgot, by Caroline George. I’m really enjoying the story so far, and it kept me up till 1 a.m. last night because I just couldn’t put it down. I’m also in the middle of The Mysterious Benedict Society, which I feel like everyone and their brother has read but me. (My own nephew even told me I had to read it!) It’s a super quirky and fun mystery, and I can’t wait to get back to it and find out how it ends.
Since we’re on the topic of good-reads, my birthday passed a few days ago, and I was thrilled to have received so many new books as gifts! I worked a double shift on my birthday, but I was still able to celebrate with my family at one of my favorite Vietnamese restaurants, and open presents with so many BOOKS in them. Most of the books are cozy British mysteries, which I can never get enough of. And my sister got me a copy of Sweet Bean Paste, by Durian Sukegawa, a book I’ve heard a lot about, and has been on my TBR for a while. I’m looking forward to summer, when things quiet down a bit and I can finally get back into reading, and tackle my expanding TBR.
My writing has also been undergoing a major shift lately. I haven’t been able to write much at all for the past few weeks, but I’m using this time as a little pause, to reconsider some things. I’m working on a blog post to tell you more about it, but for now I’ll say that I’m in the process of beginning a new novel, which is exciting, and terrifying at the same time. I also wrote a short story last month, for a contest that I heard about last-minute. My story wasn’t chosen, but I still love what I wrote and if it wasn’t for the contest, it wouldn’t even exist. I had a lot of fun writing it, and that’s what it’s really all about, isn’t it?
Spring is in full swing, and I wish I could say that I’m enjoying it, but the allergies, and high-winds are sort of ruining that. Even so, it makes me happy to hear all of the birds singing so cheerfully, and watching the trees slowly wake from their long slumber. Overall, this month has taught me that life is wild. Sometimes it feels like I’m wading through a vat of peanut butter, not making any progress, and other times it feels like everything is happening all at once, and I’d give anything to slow it back down, and take things one at a time. But I suppose that’s the name of the game. Nothing ever happens exactly how we wish it would, and that’s how it’s meant to be. Taking the good with the bad, and appreciating every moment along the way.
What about you? How has your Spring been? Have you read any good books this season? Tell me all about, I’d love to chat with you.
Tell me, do you read used books? Does your book collection contain a patchwork of miss-matched series, or numerous, old, mass market editions? Mine does. My shelves are filled with books that are out of print, worn and torn with yellowed pages, stains and spills. Odd copies that contain hand-written dates, love dedications, and even an occasional scribble or two in the margins. Used books, to me, are like finding a buried treasure– a diamond in the rough. Finding that treasure requires nothing more than a bit of patience as you comb through miles of shelving, and a keen eye.
I must admit, most of the stories I come across are entirely a mystery to me. Never before have I set eyes on them, nor do I know what lies within. It’s a risk to choose such a book, but the thrill of discovery is too great to pass up. Without the familiar comfort of reviews, or recommendations, I have only my most basic reader instincts to rely on. The cover, the title, the feel of the paper in my hands– those simple things will determine the fate of the book. The little tome of bound pages must speak for itself, and it is up to me whether I listen to its voice, or not.
Despite the well-known saying, we all know that it is well-nigh impossible not to judge a book by its cover, especially when it comes to newer books. I won’t so much as breathe in their direction if I don’t fancy the cover. But when it comes to used books, I will pause and consider whether the strange colors, and illustrations on the cover are disguising some hidden treasure waiting to be found. Though I would never dare to crack a spine on any book, or mistreat a page, strangely, in old books, even those flaws cannot turn me away. In fact, when I see a book that is worn, and scuffed, annotated, or dog-eared, I find it to be a curiosity. It tells me that someone, somewhere, handled it, and maybe even enjoyed it.
Sometimes, I wonder if all the time it’d been left alone, unread, and covered in dust, was because it was waiting for someone like me to come along and give it another chance. Usually the books that find their way into second-hand shops are stories from bygone eras, or books that might have been underappreciated at the time of their release. Each has lived a long life, and I often wonder at the history of the lives they’ve led, and what brought them to the shops.
Books are much like people, too. Each has a character of their own, a personality that shines through the font on the pages, and the binding at their spines. And just like people, there is more than meets the eye at first glance. So next time you see an old, shabby cover on a book, perhaps you should pause for a moment, and look past all the dinginess. You may find a bright, and glimmering treasure waiting inside.
There are moments in all of our lives when we feel like outsiders. Times when we feel like an outcast, or the odd man out– watching from a distance, as everyone else seems to get along so easily. I’ve realized that in the world of writing, those instances happen quite a lot.
The other day I was thinking about the novel I’m currently working on, as well as a few other stories that have been occupying my mind-space, lately. I wondered if anyone would want to read them. I wondered if anyone would find them interesting, or boring or too weird. I wondered, what if my stories just don’t fit in anywhere?
It’s sort of like that feeling you get in school, or when you’re hanging out with friends and you hear that little voice in the back of your head that whispers doubts and fears to you. What if no one likes me? For a while I entertained that thought– worrying that not everyone would like my stories. But then I had a sort of epiphany, and I said to myself– so what? So what if my stories are different? So what if my stories aren’t like the ones on the shelves at the bookstore today? I realized that my entire life has been going against the metaphorical current– so why would the stories I create be any different?
I know that there are trends in publishing, just like there are trends in fashion. It makes sense that publishers would publish books that fit into that popular trend, and that writers would write stories that fit into that same trend. But here’s the thing, not everyone has to fit into the trend. I realized that I would be doing a great disservice to myself, and to anyone who might read my future work, if I tailored my stories simply to fit into the current mainstream trends.
The world has enough, nay, too many books that fit into the mainstream mold(s). I would dare to say that it is time for the modern book market to have a bit of a shake-up. As I was wrestling with all of these ideas, I remembered the quote that says, “Write the book that you want to read.” I think that is one of the most valuable quotes for any writer to remember. Especially if, like me, you spend much of your time wading through books that you hope to love, but don’t. Maybe it’s time for us, for you and for me, to write the books we want to read.
Creativity comes in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t always have to come in nicely packaged boxes, ready, and waiting for the taking. Your story might not have the typical main character, or the typical list of obstacles standing in their way. It might not be strictly YA, or middle-grade, it might be something in between. If you feel like your story doesn’t fit in, then here is your sign, your signal, to embrace it. Embrace what makes you and your story different. If you don’t love your story first, why should anyone else like it? And if you feel like your story doesn’t fit into the popular shape, then break out of it. Write the story that is carved onto your heart; the one inside of you that is begging to be written. People gravitate towards genuineness, and honesty, and your writing will show that. Though it might not appeal to the masses, that little spark of truth you sew into your story, may well resonate in the hearts of many a wandering soul.
Remember, stay true to yourself always, and don’t ever forget why you first chose to write. Thank you for visiting, and sharing in my thoughts today. I hope that you found this post encouraging, and I hope you never give up on writing the story of your heart.
It’s the beginning of a brand new year, the time when many of us are buzzing with new goals, resolutions and dreams for the future. That’s usually me as well, but for the first time in a long time, I don’t have any serious New Year’s resolutions.
In years past, I would glumly review the previous year, evaluate all the ways that I had failed at my goals and pledge to remedy them in the coming new year. For me, the new year always came with a feeling of dread, and fear of the unknown. I think I might have confused “end of the year” with “end of the world”. But the last couple of months of 2021 were such a whirlwind of events and emotions, that I wasn’t left with much of an opportunity to think so far ahead. Maybe that’s why this year, when the clock struck midnight, 2022, those old feelings weren’t there. It came as a bit of a shock to me when I actually felt calm. Perhaps it was due to the tumultuous couple of years we have all endured that lead me to a state of apathy, but I’d still like to give myself at least a little credit for this new outlook.
The other day, I was writing in my journal, and I wrote down these words, “It wasn’t what we planned, but it all worked out in the end, which is a recurring theme in my life.” I could list a hundred, maybe even a thousand times in my life, where I had envisioned something to go one way, when it ended up going in a complete different direction. Even though it wasn’t what I had planned, somehow, it still worked out. I usually try to view those moments with humor, and not take it to heart, but I was astounded when I realized how accurate that statement was–in all aspects of my life. So my resolution this year is not to plan so rigidly that my world may crumble if things don’t happen, just so. I could use the term, “go with the flow”, though that phrase is a little overused and doesn’t entirely convey what I mean. Another way to put it is, “trust the process”, which, for me, is trusting in the Lord.
You know the bible verse that says, “His ways are higher than our ways”? I’ve probably read it a dozen times, but I think it has finally struck a cord in me. I think it’s God’s way of letting us know that when something goes wrong, it’s still part of the “grand plan”, so to speak. It doesn’t mean that we should just give up on our plans, or our dreams. To me, it says that we don’t need to agonize so much over the future. It can be very intimidating to consider all the steps that will lead us from point A to point B, or ultimately Z. What I realized is that, right now, in this moment, even if my day goes awry I can still do small, even seemingly tedious things that can eventually lead to bigger things. My goal is to become a published author. Right now that prospect seems so very big, and scary. I don’t even have a polished manuscript yet that I can consider publishable, but I’m not going to fret over all of that. What I can do right now, and most importantly, is to simply–write. Sounds like a no-brainer, but contrary to popular belief, that’s a whole lot easier said than done.
In other words, I’m telling myself to take a metaphorical, deep breath. Relax. I can’t skip to the end. I have to follow the path that is laid out before me, and however that turns out in the end is anyone’s guess. But I have decided to walk that path calmly, with a joyful heart, and most importantly, trust the process. Life doesn’t happen in leaps and bounds, it happens one day at a time. The sun rises, and the sun sets, again and again. I think we should live as the sun does. Each day we are given a chance to simply try our best. And if we wake up on a cloudy day, that’s okay too. We can try again the next day, and the next, and the next, for as long as the world keeps turning.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Hello friends, I have returned at last from my unintentional blogging-break during the month of November, and much of December. Things in my life got a little hectic over the past few weeks, and in November I was completely consumed by NaNoWriMo. I thought I’d be able to squeeze in a post before now, but as you’ve probably noticed, I couldn’t make that happen. Before I fill you in on all things NaNo, let’s have a little chat about the weather, shall we?
I was under the impression that we were going to have a very cold winter this year. Autumn was chilly, and so I thought that as November and December rolled around it would be frosty and cold. But so far we’ve been having very mild weather and the sky is blue nearly every day. This weather does have its benefits, but these endlessly blue skies in the middle of winter are making me wish for snow. There, I said it. I’m actually longing for snow, though I say it with some apprehension, for if I wake up tomorrow with sub-zero temperatures, and a foot of snow, I’ll wish I had held my tongue.
If you’re wondering how my very first NaNoWriMo attempt went… I won! I reached my goal of 50,000 words with a day to spare. I kept my expectations low when I went into this challenge, but consistency was key for me. It was very difficult, and most days I really didn’t want to write at all, but I persisted. Honestly, my writing was very bare, and the draft feels more like an extremely long and detailed outline. But at the end of the day, it’s 50,000 more words than I had before, and now I have something tangible to work with, to reshape, to improve. Not to mention, I received a ton of experience points along the way. I’m not sure I want to attempt this every year, but I’m happy that I pulled it off at least once in my life.
Oh, and by the way, I wrote it all by hand! In my last post, I mentioned that I was going to try writing it completely by hand, and I did. I think that’s one of the main reasons I was able to complete this challenge. I didn’t have to face that cursor blinking back at me on a blank screen; there was no deleting, no editing and for the most part, I didn’t even worry how my words came out. I was forced to commit my story to the page, be it good or bad. It was a very valuable experience, and I’m so glad I chose to write this story by hand.
Thanksgiving came and went. It was a nice, quiet day, though very unlike the holidays I’m used to. Due to a number of reasons, my family wasn’t able to gather together like we normally do, but given the circumstances, I was still grateful for the day. I made eight pumpkin pies, and I watched my first Hallmark Christmas movie of the year. Despite what the naysayers may think, Christmas simply isn’t Christmas without watching a few cheesy, Christmas movies. Right?
In November, I wasn’t able to read much of anything, or do any of my normal activities, but I did manage to listen to a great audio book, Six Crimson Cranes, to be exact. (Thanks for the rec, Alicyn!) Now that NaNo is over, I’ve jumped back into reading with both feet and I’ve read two books so far this month, and hopefully I’ll get to a couple others as well. And I have a couple half-read books that I want to finish before the year ends, so I can start the new year with a clean slate.
Christmas is right around the corner, and I can hardly believe it. Christmas always sounds so far off, until you realize it’s just days away. Luckily, I did all my shopping early, so I don’t have to worry over shipping delays, or anything like that. So far, this Christmas season feels different, and strange. But I guess after a weird year, it’s to be expected, right? Though it has caused me to intentionally seek out those little moments, and little ways to celebrate. I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas music, or Christmas decorations, but when everything was feeling sad and dark, I found a little spark of Christmas spirit. I decided to be fully immersed in this season, even if it was simply a mindset. I worked on Christmas cards with joy when, in years past, I did it with drudgery. I strung lights on my house to add color, and brightness to these long winter nights. I did small things, but it was those little changes that had the biggest impact on me, and others, too.
The season isn’t over yet, and I’m hoping to cross a few more things off my list; like going downtown to see the big Christmas tree, and all the decorations. I’d like to see the Christmas light display at my local botanical garden. I want to watch more Christmas movies, drink hot cocoa, and eggnog and spend time with loved ones. I want to do the things you can’t do any other time of year, and I want to enjoy these last few weeks of 2021 with peace, and joy. Because if Christmas time offers you anything, it’s a chance to quiet your soul, and listen closely to the truth that is often just a whisper, in the midst of all the ruckus.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
It’s been a while since we last spoke, what have you been up to? Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? Have you read any good books lately? What are you looking forward to this Christmas? Let me know, I’d love to chat with you down below!
Sage In The Meadow 